Q. I have such a hard time disciplining my boy. I try to get him to see that his behavior hurts other people, but that does not seem to get him to want to be better. What can I do?
A. Boys require structure in their lives. All they need to know is whether a behavior is allowed or not. Boys don’t understand, “don’t do that honey, how would that make you feel if someone did that to you?” With boys you have to be very direct and clear. Tell him exactly what behavior you object to and tell him don’t do that again. When he does it again, get down on his level and tell him, “I told you not to do that. If you do that again, you will lose the toy for the rest of the day.” Or whatever response is appropriate for his action. When he does it again, simply take the toy away. No threats, only promises. If you are consistent, you will not have to do this much as he will believe you the first time. When he gets a bit older around 6 or 7, add to the first part “don’t do that, you hurt people when you throw blocks.” Point out the consequence of his actions. When he gets around 12-13, ask him what is the consequence of his behavior. “Don’t do that, what will happen if you continue to do that?” This method works really well, but only if you follow through. Also, don’t ask him if he remembers that you told him not to do something. The answer to that will be “no.” Just tell him “I told you this before.” If he complains that he doesn’t remember, tell him that you did tell him and if he does not remember, then he should pay closer attention in the future. Don’t get angry, just uphold the rules you set. (this is very hard for most parents and teachers, remember hold to the rules you have set)